Friends???
Friday, July 28, 2006 at 5:57PM When is a friend a friend? I had someone tell me recently about a conclusion she came to regarding a 'friend' of hers. I know this person quite well and I knew who she was talking about. It totally surprised me when she said 'you know I just came to realize that 'Jane' -not her real name- really isn't my friend.' Although surprised I felt like I knew what she was saying. When I say I think I knew what she was saying, it was because over the years I have come to realize the same thing. That there are many people who say they are your friend, they would say that to you and would say that to others, but their behavior contradicts this claim. We all go through times when our friendships are closer than at other times, the question to ask is, 'What is the relationship like in times of trouble?' Someone told me when I began experiencing difficulties in my life, that I would find out who my friends are and they were right. The person who told me this, in fact has turned out to be a wonderful and available friend. The truth is I don't see him much and we can go for long periods without communicating, but when I needed him most he was there and if I needed him now he would be there, no doubt about it.
This has actually been a wonderful discovery. It's not that the people that I would have thought were my friends aren't nice people or even good people. More than likely they are, they just aren't really my friends. And that is okay, you can only have some many really close relationships, so there is no use fooling yourself and spending energy on relationships that are based on pretense, no one needs that.
I have also discovered and realize more each day that the people that I am the most concerned about, in terms of there opinion of me, are my six children, I am happy for the friendships I have and there are more than I could ever hope for, but the indispensable relationships are with my six children and over time my grand children.
So who are your friends? The truth is, they are the people who act like it. People who don't always act in their own interest. People who think about you and act upon their thoughts. If they don't, guess what, they really aren't your friends.
Reader Comments (6)
Again, well said Carl. I, too, have discovered this in recent years.
I would add that those who are "friends" in the context of the institutional church are only a "friend" when you are one of "them". Just leave the church and see how many phone calls or knocks on the door you get. We were gone almost 3 years and I got 4 calls, 3 of which were for me to assist in looking for land (I'm in the real estate business). One of them was a genuine "How are you doing?" call I think. Oh, and I was Associate Pastor once upon a time :)
Anyway, you are right on about this issue. If you have a true friend, you are a rich person indeed!
Peace!
Timothy
I should add that I accept my issues as part of the problem. I do have trouble letting people into my inner space, that doesn't help.
So, I wanted to clarify that lest anyone think I was tossing boulders at others from my glass house :)
Peace!
Timothy
how true
"A true friend loveth at all times..." (Proverbs 17:17) this verse supports my belief that we don't lose friends when we go through struggles, because if they truly were a friend they would stick with us. the crisis and imperfections of our live reveal who truly is an unconditional friend the way Jesus is.
"they are rich who have two true friends..." (old amish saying)
true friends are like diamonds, precious but rare...false friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere...
Hey Carl! I don't know if you remember me or not but I was a Youth Leader at the Vineyard in Fort Collins, CO while you were there (I believe it was in '03) and I thought I'd say hi!
I think it's so wonderful how much you are doing with worship!
Anyway, I hope all is well.
God Bless,
Tia Anderson
Hi carl, good having your wisdom this last weekend.
Bill Wheeler