A Bit of a Bio...
John Wimber on Keys & Carl Tuttle on Guitar - Canyon High School - 1979Some of you may be familiar with me as a result of my involvement in the Vineyard Movement as a pastor, conference speaker, worship leader and songwriter.
I became a Christian in 1965 as a direct result of the personal witness of John Wimber, who later became the leader of the Vineyard Movement. In our little Quaker church in Yorba Linda, coming to Christ meant committing to Christ, His Church and His Cause. As a young boy, and then as a young man, I was a very active participant in the life of the church. For the most part, whenever the doors were open, I was there. From the time I was 11 years old until I was 22, I had experiences in ministry ranging from door to door witnessing, jail team ministry, Sunday School teaching and everything in between. I even began substituting for John at some of his weekly Bible studies. I was one of many who lived a life in which attendance and service in the church was the clearest indication of one's commitment to Christ. It was without a doubt a 'doing' church. The end result was that many of us ended up somewhat burnt out and feeling that there had to be more on a personal and intimate level with God.
In 1976 a very small group of us began meeting in my sister's home for "worship" and prayer. We really wouldn't have called it worship, and I'm not sure it would have qualified by today's definitions, but it worked for us at the time. Out of this meeting of desperation, which can be described as "hunger for God," came what I believe was a real and sustained revival. It was earmarked by hunger for God and intimacy with Him. The small group grew rapidly and eventually was launched as a church under John Wimber's leadership. I was at his side leading worship, which is now commonplace but was revolutionary at the time. We sang long, sustained sets of songs, anywhere from 30-45 minutes of uninterrupted and very 'God directed' singing.
Over the next 20 years, a church planting movement emerged, taking the name 'Vineyard Christian Fellowship.' For such a small group, we had an inordinate influence on the church at large, especially in the areas of worship and the practical ministry of men and women under the leadership and gifting of the Holy Spirit. John Wimber's development of a 'naturally supernatural' model for ministry contrasted drastically with the platform ministry most evident on television. His model took ministry off the platform and away from one gifted individual and allowed everyone to participate in lending a hand to 'what the Father was doing.'
In the area of worship, John allowed me incredible freedom to develop and grow, in a way I have neither heard of nor seen to this day. From that emerged a model of seamless, passionate, personal worship, that certainly played a part in today's 'worship revival.' From 1976 through most of 1983, I led worship, pastored and participated in all areas of ministry with the 'flagship church' in Yorba Linda, CA., which eventually landed in Anaheim, CA.
From 1983 to 1990 I participated in the Vineyard Movement as a church planter and pastor to other pastors. I continued leading worship at overseas conferences and around the country, but locally I pastored the Vineyard in Santa Maria, CA. This was the most wonderful time of my life.
In 1990 I returned to assist John Wimber at the Anaheim Vineyard and was eventually appointed to succeed him as senior pastor in late 1994. 'Professionally' things actually went well, but the old nemesis, 'doing' without taking time to 'be' (a Mary and Martha type of thing) took its toll and in July of 1997, I resigned as senior pastor of the Anaheim Vineyard. My marriage failed, my mental health was gone and I was spent beyond description. This was a very dark and difficult time, which I won't go into on these pages at this time; needless to say, it was devastating for all. At this point that may have been the darkest and most difficult of my life, the Lord embraced me in my 'nothingness.'
There are several things I believe he spoke to me and then began confirming over and over again through various people and in various ways. I felt like, first of all, He confirmed to me his complete and unconditional love for me, something I was anything but sure of. Second, I believe that He made it very clear to me that 'the gifts and call' He placed on my life as a little boy were still valid. In fact, I felt He spoke to me, as best as I can understand these kind of things, that 'he had never disqualified me.' I had disqualified myself. I had embraced lies, and others had, but that He never had. I was left to either accept this or reject it. I decided to accept it and move forward with my life, in spite of the devastation and brokenness.
Over the years I have felt a steady hand on my shoulder----the hand of God, guiding me and directing my steps forward. I am sure of this, God is faithful and I know he has given me a heart for the broken and wounded. My level of compassion has increased as I have embraced my own brokenness and experienced the pain of being wounded. I know there are many who don't relate to some of this, but I know I don't relate to those who seem to have it all together and don't appear to really even need God to have a fulfilling life. I'm just not there. I am safest and most secure at the foot of the cross, aware of my need.
After being immersed in the church for more than three decades, I disengaged from the "church" or at least the organized part of it for the better part of eight years. I have reconnected to a local church and have frankly been startled by the healing I have received as a result of being engaged again. There are a lot of things wrong with 'church' as we know it; if anyone tries to argue that point, God bless you. When it's good, it is really good, even the best. Well, what makes it good? That probably depends on what your expectations are, or to some degree, what your experience has been. First of all, for it to be good for me, that is to say, something I benefit from spiritually, it has to be safe. For it to be safe, there has to be transparency and accountability with boundaries. This starts at the top. If the government of the church is not open to scrutiny, or transparent in their dealings, and fails to have standard approaches to dealing with people, without partiality, like the Bible says, then it is not safe. I spent most of my life in a system like that and have found it to be such a harmful and dangerous place to live.
There is accountability, openness, honesty and even some innocence where I am connected today. The approach is simple and experience is genuine.
I just wanted to note this because after four decades in the church, with all the bumps and bruises, all the pain and disappointment, I haven't given up on The Bride. It is really clear that God hasn't given up on me, which is as far as I'm concerned the best news of all.
I have been through a lot, not as much as some and more than others, my testimony is one of the love, grace, mercy and compassion of the man Christ Jesus.
